Recipe # 14: How To Be a Good Mother

I saw this on the Tyra Show the other day (I'm not a big fan of the show, but the topic caught my interest), where this young mother, age 20, had applied for and was hired at, a Brothel House and became a legal prostitute @ 6months pregnant. This girl's excuse was that her unplanned pregnancy, past due bills, and minimum wage employment caused her to choose this line of work. She was hired at this Brothel and from that point, she says her family, except her older sister, turned their backs on her and didn't lend any support. She was sitting up on the stage crying saying that this was the only option for her, and that any other minimum wage job, at the least, would not help her do what she needs to do to support herself and her baby. She also mentioned that there are a lot of of men that come to the Brothel just to be with her, to fulfill a sexual pregnancy fantasy. Now, I'm not a mother yet, but I do have a good idea of what motherhood entails. Yes, you do whatever you have to do for your child. BUT, you do what's in the best interest of the child, born or unborn. You don't put yourself in dangerous situations that can jeopardize the life of the baby. You do what is healthy, and set-up an environment that is healthy for a child to be in. Of course, to the best of your ability, because of course not everyone can afford the best of everything for their child, but there are appropriate ways and places to get the things you need. You also prepare yourself as a woman, to be a good role model for the child, especially as a single mother, as this woman was. Now, the baby's dad had his say, saying that he does not agree at all with the girl's choice and that he wants her to stop and find a regular job. Living with his mother, there was only so much support he could offer financially. But the main issue was that this girl thought that prostitution was her only option. She mentions also that without the family support, she feels like the other women at the Brothel treat her like family, and they threw her a baby shower (rolling my eyes). At 20years old, you mean to tell me that you felt you had no other options? Her father, being the mayor of her city, could not provide some help and advice? You felt too proud to apply for welfare? You felt that $10/hr job could not lend you some help in your first two trimesters? You felt the only way to support yourself and your unborn baby was to spread your legs for money? That is disgusting to me. I didn't have any sympathy for this girl, at all. There are so many places to go to for help. Debt consolidation if the debt is so out of control. Subsidized housing is available. There are so many options available and ways to find out where to go for help. It is just disgusting that she sat there expecting ppl to feel sorry for her, even though she admitted that at times she enjoys sleeping with the men. When asked what she would do once the baby was born, now at 8 months pregnant, she said she didn't know. This shows me that this girl has no idea what she is doing with her life at all, and has not thought about the well-being of child other than actually having the baby. And shame on her sister for not giving her sister more advice or help, because even though she told her that she disagrees with her choice, but how about researching some options for her seeing that the girl seems and feels that hopeless. Tyra said, and I agree with her, that there are so many other women that are in worse situations than her and don't ever feel like sex for money is an option. When you are pregnant, sex with multiple partners is very contraindicated and extremely risky. It's scary that some women feel that this is the only option for them as a woman and mother-to-be. sigh.

Live. Laugh. Love.

din-din.

Recipe # 13 : Good Hair

Unfortunately, one of the effects of Slavery was that Black people, especially among Black Women, was that we were conditioned to believe that straight, long, silky hair was better than curly, kinky hair. The evolution of relaxers and straighteners have given us a choice of how to wear our hair, along with weaves and extensions. Some of us now go as far to say that Black Women that don't wear their hair naturally have fallen victim to the "White Man" and have a distorted view of real Black beauty, and that by straightening our hair is damaging it. Granted, the chemicals that are used, although not as harsh as they once were, are some serious chemicals. But there are many ways to treat the hair to make sure that it stays healthy. Whether or not it is relaxed or natural, Black hair needs to be treated, moisturized, and all that good stuff. We as a people have evolved mentally enough to choose how we want to wear our hair. It doesn't matter if it is straight or not, it is our beautiful crown. The versatility makes us unique from all other races, to the point where some would love to have our hair. I can't count the amount of times a non-Black woman has said to me or my friends that they would love to have hair like ours. So embrace your beauty, my Black Women! Take care of it, love it, and enjoy it!

Live. Laugh. Love.

din-din.

Recipe # 11: Marriage rarely, if ever, changes things.

If you and your partner have problems now, getting married will not make those problems go away. If you can barely hold down a proper conversation or communication, if he/she doesn't like the way you dress or the places you go to have fun or chill with your friends, or he/she is controlling or overbearing, marrying the person is not going to make any of these things stop. it will probably make things worse because now you are married.this is a mistake alot of couples make, and it's a shame. deal with the things you don't like now so that should you decide to marry later, you know what you are getting into and know how you want to make things work. With this in mind, and the two of you want to make things work and stay committed for the rest of your lives, then both of you need to put in the work and make a change for the better - before the wedding. and both of you need to be willing to make the changes necessary to make things last. if the person is reluctant, then that is the time you ask yourself, is this really worth it? do i want to live the rest of my life with a woman/man that behaves and thinks certain ways that make my life miserable and complicated? in all, you should really know the person you are with. take the time to get know their quirks, irks, peeves, pleasures, and dislikes. and they should do the same for you. if you know for yourself that you can accept these things about this person and have ways/strategies to deal with the things you don't like, then by all means - get married, if that is the step you both want to take with each other. if not, then make the choice to not settle for for something that will never make you happy. just a thought.

Live. Laugh. Love.

din-din.

Recipe # 12: Gospel and Non-Gospel Music

Thinking back to my church days, and I thought about the music and the lifestyle, and being a person that is really big on music, I would listen to all kinds of music that peaked my interests, including alternative, pop, hip-hop, soul, some funk, etc. As youth coming up in the church, we were always encouraged to listen to Gospel music, and that "music of the world" is evil and that is how the Devil puts evil things into you through the music. Well, I saw on BET the other day, Yolanda Adams singing Chaka Khan's "Sweet Thing." I love ,e some Yolanda Adams. She has a beautiful voice and makes amazing music. I am sure that the Devil is not putting evil things into her because she sang that song. I am pretty sure that a lot of our Gospel artists listen and jam to the latest non-gospel tunes, and even use some of it as inspiration for the Gospel music they make. I love music. When it's really good, it hits you in the soul. It can make you cry or smile, happy or sad; it can inspire you, no matter what type of music it is. I was listening to some Kirk Franklin the other day, and it had been a while since I had listened to any gospel, and "Imagine Me," just touched my heart. You don't have to be a Christian to enjoy Gospel/Inspirational music, and you can be a Christian and listen to non-gospel music. Just a thought.

Live. Laugh. Love.

din-din

Recipe # 10: Father's Day Tribute

I know I'm a few days late on this blog, but it came to me that something needs to be said about the fathers of the world. I really feel like dads tend to get a lot of slack for their roles. I know that not a lot of us do this, especially on Father's Day, but dads seem to be second fiddle to mothers. It seems as though Mother's Day gets a lot of hype and advertising than Father's Day. I hear a lot of women saying Happy Father's Day to single moms, but I hardly ever hear anyone saying Happy Mother's Day to the single fathers. Yes, there are single fathers out there. My father used to be one of them after our Mother passed away, until he remarried. He took care of the three of us while working full time and helping to teach us responsibility and all the things parents teach us. He's not perfect, as no one is, but honestly, if I had to choose a dad, I would choose mine. Hands down.

As well, single mothers that are keeping their children away from their fathers: what the hell is wrong with you? Why would you deprive your child a relationship with his/her father? And I am talking about fathers that want to see their kids and help grow them up in the world. I'm talking about the fathers that, although he and the child's mother are no longer together, he makes a serious, full-hearted effort to keep in touch and regularly see the child and continue building a relationship. Not only is the father feeling the pain, but the child is going to eventually feel extremely deprived of a relationship with the father. It is so disgusting to hear stories about men that can't see their kids because the mother will not let them. It is so unfortunate, and to all those fathers out there that are being deprived of being fathers, I hope that your Father's Day was a good day and that you felt blessed to be a father.

And to my dad, I love you so much. I couldn't have made it this far in life without you. You helped make me the woman that I am today. Bless!

Live. Love. Laugh.

din-din

Recipe # 8: Cheating on your partner or cheating on yourself?

This one is gona be short. When you cheat on someone that you love, in essence, you are cheating on yourself. You cheat yourself out of would have been a good relationship. And in the end, you end hurting yourself as well as the person you are with. My bf made a good point with this in a discussion we were having the other day about infidelity. He said that should a person think about cheating on their partner, they should really put it into perspective for themself that in essence they are cheating on themself. They are actually robbing themself of the chances of continuing a good relationship with the person they are already with by stepping out on them. And in the end, end up alone because once the ish hits the fan that you've been unfaithful, chances are that there will be no chance or reconcilitation, especically if one has cheated before. so before thinking of cheating, regardless of what the situation may be with you and your current partner, remember: you are not only hurting your partner, but yourself. Just a thought.

Recipe # 7: Everyone has a choice.

Everyone has a choice. So with that, we think that we have total control over our lives. "Well, I chose to do it, so it's been done," or whatever it is one might say. And in that, we think God only has some control; God has all the control. I was thinking about this and I thought that if God knows all things before they happen, then would He not already have a solution or outcome for whichever choice we make? Of course; it makes sense. Think of it: we can chose to Love God and do His Will and Law, or we can choose not to. Either way, the outcome of whichever choice you make is not in your control, hence, Free Will. We have the Free Will to make the choice and accept the outcome. But the thing about it is is that if we pay close attention, God has given us the things/information/signs to help us make the better choice. And to add to that, if we make the wrong the choice, recognizably to ourselves, God Loves us so much that He gives us chances to make another choice for the better. The offer stays open. This all came to mind when I said the Serenity Prayer the other day and stopped myself because, to be honest, I was afraid to admit that I only have control over my choice but not the actual outcome. But then I stopped myself again and reminded myself that I was never in control of the outcomes of my choices, period. I was only in control of the choice. And I need to acknowledge that God is in control of my Life. It will go much easier, too, if I put my full faith in Him at all times and trust that I know He wants what is best for me. The strength is also in asking Him to help make the right choices, and in accepting and acknowledging where He leads you because it does hurt when it looks like you aren't going in the direction you thought you should go. But that's the flesh, and the flesh is weak and very changeable. I'm not tryna get all religious; just thought I'd share some Spirituality on here. Feel free to leave a comment.

Live. Laugh. Love.

din-din

Recipe # 6: Hi Haters! Bye Haters!

You ever meet someone that no matter what you tell them is good in your life, they have a similar story of their life that didn't go well and they insist that somehow your situation will also fail? I know I have. And it is the worst thing to hear, "You're working there? Yeah, well, I worked there and got fired," as if that has anything to do with you. I can't stand these kinds of people, and I always seem to meet them. They seem most genuine, and even befriend you, but once you tell them something about yourself that they don't agree with, they immediately start into something about themselves that happened to them like you and predict that you too, will fail. Why do that? Why is it that their experience stands as the precedent for all future situations? It's really wack. We should be happy for each other when we succeed, especially if the situations are the same or similar. I became acquainted with a woman that because her move-in-before-marriage relationship ended bitterly, that mine wouldn't. I'm sorry, who made you the sayer of all things? At first, I took the advice as a way of caution, but in retrospect, when she continued to negatively approach other things in my life, I could see that she is bitter. And because she has bitterness, she could not accept the fact that although it happened one way for her, that it could be different for someone else. This woman, as successful and smart she is, could not embrace the fact that although people may take different paths, a lot of times we end up in the same place. So before we judge others, I think it is so important that we get over our own shit before we play Oprah to someone else. It's all good to share personal stories; it's kinda what we as woman tend to do. But we should be careful of how we speak to others. And we should try not to hate.

Live. Laugh. Love.

din-din

Recipe # 5: Pussy does not rule real men!

Ladies, I have encountered too many females that think that by giving up good pussy to their man that this is what will make the man stay faithful, and if anything should happen to cause them to break up, that their good pussy will bring the man running back to them, no matter what. This is not true! It takes more than good sex to hold a man, and I know that the real women out there know this already. I'm posting this because after what I've encountered in the past few years,I think that this needs to be said. You can't hook up with a man, give him good pussy before the start of the relationship, start a relationship, the relationship ends, and you give good pussy to make him stay. IT NEVER HAPPENS! This man will stick around on and off just for a good slam now and then, but in the meantime, he's actually looking for a good woman to be with. This good woman will be able to not only give him good food, conversation, support, friendship, but she will also give him good Loving. Yes, Loving, not 'good pussy'. She will be able to fulfill all his needs of both his heads, the one in between his shoulders and in between his legs. So to those girls out there think it's cool to threaten another person's relationship by telling a woman that she could have her man if she wanted to, a real man is not ruled by the pussy!

Recipe #4: Love isn't finding a perfect person. It's seeing an imperfect person perfectly.

I saw this quote on a friend's page and it really made me rememebr what my bf said to me a long time ago: "you're not perfect, but you're perfect for me." I came to realize how right he was after i grew to love my self more as i grew older. and i put to words how i feel about my bf, how I've always felt about him, about us. that we aren't perfect ppl. we do things that annoy each other, piss each other off and all that stuff, but at the end of the day, it's the imperfect things that make us who we are. they make us human. and we love each other for that, for all that we are, the good and the bad. all this talk about finding someone to complete you, and fill a void is BS. you need to love yourself completely without void first. only then will you be with someone that will really love you. only then will it all make sense. because if you don't love yourself, if you are always looking for someone to fill that void for you, it will never be filled and you will always be looking.

Recipe # 3: Once a cheater, always a cheater

There is the saying that once a man cheats, he will cheat again and again. I'm not sure how true this is. Not to say that this does not happen, but does this apply to all men? To all cheaters? I don't think so. All people are able to change, even if only for the moment. But some people really only cheat once. It all depends on the circumstances, the time in which it happened, and the reason for the cheating. Now. I'll be the first to say that no one should cheat on the person that they are with. If you come to a point that you are thinking of stepping out on your significant other, then you need to reconsider being in a long term, committed relationship. But I do believe that everyone deserves a chance to prove who they really are. If the realtionship is not going in a direction that you want, a person that is afraid of confronting that reality will cheat. And then there are the people that cheat because they feel that the more women (or men) they sleep with, then they have won whatever game they were playing. And this applies to women, too. What is with that double standard that when a woman cheats, it's usually because her man did something to make her cheat. When a man cheats, it is usually because he's an ass and just wanted to do something stupid, and to hurt the girl. Why can't it be the other way around? I've known plenty of guys that have ahd their girls cheat on them, and when you find out why the girl cheated, it had nothing to do with the man.

Yet, if you give a person a chance to show who they are, to prove that they really messed up and want to change, then chances are they can do better. Because sometimes it's not always about change, but the choice that was made when the mistake was made. A person can make one mistake and never make it again. And I think that when a woman decides to stay with her man (or a man decides to stay with a woman) after they cheated, if the person was genuinely sorry and shows that they can be trusted again, then why not give them a chance to do things right. No one is perfect, and in no way am I condoning the wrong things that people do in relationships, but I do think that people should support those that make that choice to support a loved one when they mess up. However,if the cheater is in no way truly sorry for what they did and continue to do the mess, then yeah, once a cheater, always a cheater.

Live. Laugh. Love.

din-din

Recipe # 2: Easily Stuffed Peppers

Yes, this is an actual recipe and it tastes great! It's easy to make and once you learn how to do it, it'll become one of your Friday night favorites.

Ingredients:
-1/2 a pack of ground beef (preferrably lean)
-2 green peppers, 2 red peppers, tops cut off and cored
-1 tbsp of vegetable oil
-1 tomato, diced
-1/2 white onion, slcied
-1 green onion diced
-1 1/2 tbsp of seaoned salt
-1 tbsp of soy sauce
-2 tbsps of Worcestershire sauce
-2/3 cups of shredded cheddar cheese

Instructions:
1. Pre-heat oven to 350 celcius.

2. Boil a pot of water and add the green and red peppers. Boil for 2-5mins and remove from water. Set aside on ungreased oven pan.

3. Season the ground beef with the seasoned salt, soy sauce, and Worcestershire sauce. Heat the oil and add green onion, white onion; sautee them until soft. Add the seasoned ground beef and cook until brown. On medium heat, add the tomatoes to the ground beef, stir in. Turn heat down to low and simmer beef.

4. Stuff the pepppers 2/3 full with the ground beef mixture. Place into the oven for 5mins. Remove from oven and fill the rest of the peppers with the shredded cheese. Bake until cheese melts. Remove from oven.

5. Let cool for 5mins before serving. Mashed potatoes are an excellent side dish with this recipe. Bon appetite!

Recipe #1: Nothing Wrong with Being Single

I was inspired to wirte this note in response to a friend's note, "What's Wrong with Being Single?" Some people seem to think that being a single woman is like a disease. They feel sorry for you, as if you've failed at the figuring out the biggest mystery in Life. "Oh, you'll finf the righgt someone," as if you are desperately seeking the right someone. Here's what I siad in response:

"...there is nothing wrong with being single, ladies and gentlemen, absolutely nothing. when I was single, after getting over the failed relationship, i would be thankful that God gave me the strength to get through it and not beat myself up over it too much, and in retrospect i would be happy that i survived the whole experience because i learned so much about myself in the process. and that is why being single can be a good thing. you learn ur strengths, weaknessess, joys and hurts, things that u like to do or not, what you expect from yourself and what you want for yourself, and how you allow others to treat you. u basically become or start along a path that helps you become complete in yourself. that way, when you do get into a relationship you are comfortable enough in yourself to know what you want and to not settle for anything less. and in essence you being to attract potential partners that are doing the same thing. so you end up with someone on the same page, or at least seriously getting there. "

"im in a relationship right now, and when we had our hard times, when we were single and apart, it was then that we learned most about what we actually wanted in life. we learned about ourselves and where we wanted life to lead us, as individuals, not as a couple. upon reuniting as friends, we saw that we still wanted the same things and that settling for other partners that only did part of the job made absolutely no sense. they werent on the same page so we decided not to settle with others and make our way with each other. relationship-wise, it was the best decision we made with each other. we have honesty with each other about who we are as individuals and as a couple, and because of that we are able to deal with our disagreements as mature adults and make things work the way we both want them to. i can say with much sureity that we would not have been here, had not learned the things we learned, had we not been single."

"so, embrace youe singlehood as it is, enjoy being with yourself and build a relationship with yourself. it is the best one you will ever and always have."

Live. Laugh. Love.

din-din.