Recipe #15: The makings of a good relationship

I know it's been a while since I've written, so first things first, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I hope that the new year has been good to my followers so far.

Well, Valentine's Day is fast approaching and it got me thinking about what makes a good relationship? What does it mean to love someone?

1. One thing I hear a lot of people say when they break up with their significant other is, "I thought I knew you." This is probably the most important thing you can do for yourself in relationship, any relationship, good or not so good, is to get to know the person you are with. This doesn't mean just spending time with the person, noticing the good and bad about the person and hoping that one day you can change them. This means seeing the person for who they are and asking yourself, "If this relationship goes past 1 year, can I live with the way this person is?" Do they nag, or are they judgmental, do they let you be yourself or are they constantly telling you what you think or do, etc. How does the person live? Do you mind helping them keep their place clean if they are messy? Are they good with their family members? Do they have a shady past? Find these things out and ask yourself, "Can I handle this?" If you aren't sure, be honest and let the person know. It may become a toxic relationship if you lie to yourself and tell yourself you can when in the end you can't. You may end up regretting the relationship and hating yourself for letting it go on for as long as you did. And in a lot cases, the longer you stay the harder it is to leave, especially if there are children involved. So get to know your partner. Learn the things that you like and don't like. If you can handle it then pursue it. If you can't, then give it the boot. You deserve to happy and enjoy your relationship.

Once you have gotten to know the foundations of who your partner is (because no matter how long you been together, you are always learning about him/her), cherish them. Pay attention to the things that make them smile and laugh, the things that get them upset. This way you know what to do to always make them happy. And when you do something to make them cry, you have a very good idea on what it means to make them smile again. It makes your relationship fun when you can do things together that you actually like, and even if you don't, you get the satisfaction that you've made your partner happy.

2. For our long term relationshipers, those of us that have been with our partners for years, to keep the flames going, a few things I've noticed that are crucial are taking time to reminisce the things about each other that you love, and all the good memories you've made together. It is a lot of fun and it helps you remember why you stayed together as long as you have. Quiz each other: where was your first kiss? Your fist date? Your first argument? Your first time? Thinking back to these happy moments and thinking of new and fun memories that you can make together in the future will give you something to look forward to as well.

3. One last thing that I think is so important to a good relationship, and I'm sure all of us will agree, is to be honest about how you feel. If you are mad at your partner for something, if you're disappointed about something, if you love something that they said or did, TELL THEM!!!!! don't pretend like it's no big deal. Open up and let them know how you feel. And that doesn't necessarily mean you have to be over the top about how you show them (unless you want to), just say, "Baby, I loved what you did," or "Thank you for saying that," or "I hated that," or "I felt like this when you did/said this." This will keep things from snowballing and starting arguments later. Because in both instances, if you don't compliment your mate or let know when your upset, it will spark arguments later that may end up being bigger than they need to be.

Of course there are so many other things that make a relationship good, even when you experience the tough spots. These tough spots don't necessarily mean you need to break up; they help build character in your relationship so long as it's not destructive. These 3 points are things that I can see are very important to having a lasting relationship, for the most part. For some, this may not be enough, and even with all the trying it may not work out. But at least you gave it your all. For those of us still in our long term relationships and are happy to be with our partners, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!! Make it as memorable as possible (good memories of course), and i wish you many more years of happiness and joy together.

Live. Laugh. Love.

dindin.